Guard: Halt! Who goes there? King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!Guard: Pull the other one!King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.Guard: What? Ridden on a horse?King Arthur: Yes!Guard: You're using coconuts!King Arthur: What?Guard: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...Guard: Where'd you get the coconuts?King Arthur: We found them.Guard: Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut's tropical!King Arthur: What do you mean?Guard: Well, this is a temperate zone.King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?Guard: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.Guard: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!Guard: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?Guard: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?King Arthur: Please!Guard: Am I right?King Arthur: I'm not interested![A second guard approaches the parapet]Guard 2: It could be carried by an African swallow!Guard 1: Oh yeah. An African swallow, maybe -- but not a European swallow, that's my point.Guard 2: Oh yeah, I agree with that.King Arthur: [exasperated] Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!Guard 1: But, of course, African swallows are non-migratory.Guard 2: Oh, yeah.[Arthur begins to depart] Guard 1: ...So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway. Bring out your dead Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead![A large man appears with a (seemingly) dead man over his shoulder]Large Man: Here's one.Dead Collector: Nine pence."Dead" Man: I'm not dead.Dead Collector: What?Large Man: Nothing. [hands the collector his money] Here's your nine pence."Dead" Man: I'm not dead!Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.Large Man: Yes he is."Dead" Man: I'm not.Dead Collector: He isn't.Large Man: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill."Dead" Man: I'm getting better.Large Man: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations."Dead" Man: I don't want to go on the cart.Large Man': Oh, don't be such a baby.Dead Collector: I can't take him."Dead" Man: I feel fine.Large Man: Oh, do me a favor.Dead Collector: I can't.Large Man: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.Large Man: Well, when's your next round?Dead Collector: Thursday."Dead" Man: I think I'll go for a walk.Large Man: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?"Dead" Man: I feel happy. I feel happy.[The collector paces for an idea, then whacks the body with his club, solving the problem]Large Man: Ah, thank you very much.Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.Large Man: Right. Must be a king